Ways to Communicate in Marriage – Step 1

LCA News and Information

By Diane Cerven, LPCC

In couples therapy the number one rule I have is for each person to speak, ‘one at a time’. When we’re able to say everything, we feel connected. Of course, how it’s said is very important but let’s focus on going ‘one at a time’ first.

It’s a lot harder to speak one at a time. We’re used to saying things right away, even talking over each other. We’re also used to thinking of what we’re going to say while the other person is talking and not listening.

It’s miscommunication when communication goes quickly. We may hear one part, perhaps a fact that isn’t correct, or a misunderstanding our spouse had. We can get defensive and have a justification ready to say. Conversations can easily become escalated, frustrating, and leave us feeling unheard. Or if they reach a place of hearing it takes longer because of having to get through all the interruptions.

When I say, ‘one at a time’, I mean that we let our spouse talk without interruption and with our full attention. Don’t let internal dialogue, problems, and thoughts get in the way of your attention. When our focus and goal is to listen to their point of view, we’re able to have better communication.

‘One at a time’ is a small change that will make a huge impact. Hear everything your spouse wants to say before you share your side. Then it’s your turn to share.

This slower back and forth helps to stop arguments. You’re trying to understand them, then they are trying to understand you. It’s a first step towards better communication.

Try it this week and see. As we discussed last week, there are several ingredients to get to good communication but this one will help get the ball rolling.

What’s the Next Step?

Follow us on Facebook to see when the next blog is posted, or check back here.

I do couples counseling online if you need help communicating or with other relationship needs. To schedule a counseling appointment, call us at 218-366-9229 (Park Rapids) or 218-444-2233 (Bemidji).  For those interested, I offer Christian counseling online.  Please let our office support staff (and me) know that you are interested in Christian counseling.  Learn more about LCA clinical staff here.

Blessings,

Diane Cerven, LPCC

Missed reading about using distraction skills as a coping skill, read more here:

How to Calm Yourself

Want to know about Mental Grounding Skills

Previous
How to Communicate in a Relationship
Next
Bemidji Office is Moving!

Feedback from LCA clients:

Greatly appreciate having the option of Christian Counseling and being able to filter issues through that lens!

My child's therapist is awesome!  So helpful and relates well to the whole family.

Our counselor wanted to meet our entire family to find out how to better help our son.  She offered lots of suggestions and things to help us in the long term.

My therapist is great!  Of all the therapists we've had over the years, she understands our family and kids the best.  Very helpful!

I love coming to LCA.  Everybody is so friendly and make you feel so much better.

I appreciated being treated normally, even though I was getting help with a difficult situation.

Very welcoming place.  We love our therapist!

I'm so appreciative of my therapist's knowledge, skill and understanding.

Talking with my therapist is helping, instead of holding it all in.

Therapy at LCA has helped my progress immensely!

The receptionist staff have been amazing.  They are friendly and caring.  You can tell they enjoy their job.

The receptionist knew my name after the second visit...very friendly!

My therapist is a life saver! :-)

My therapist was very, very kind and is an awesome problem solver.

My therapist understands my child's needs and listens.

My ARMHS staff is awesome!  She has helped me make progress in many areas of my life.  I have better relationships now.

Easy to work with.  Made me feel comfortable!

I found scheduling flexible to my needs.

They work with your schedule and do whatever they can to help you.

I am so thankful I was directed here!

Good location, feels very professional and confidential!

The staff members are always well informed and ready to help/answer questions.

The staff have good attitudes and open minds.

Listens to both my child and me.  Getting us through some very difficult times with care and compassion.

Friendly and helpful atmosphere.  Feel at ease walking in.

I love the comfortable feel in the office.

She's thinking through things with me instead of just giving directions.  It shows that she cares.

They matched me with the perfect therapist!

When we come in for an appointment, the reception staff always has a friendly smile on her face.

The front desk staff had a positive attitude and was patient with me.

They were open to my opinion of which counselor I see.

I have a great therapist.  I appreciate her assistance!

I had a person to talk with about my problems and my problems are getting better.

My son and daughter are making steps toward our family goals!

Everyone was very helpful.  I'm glad I called to get help!

You are all warm, welcoming and so very helpful!  Thank you!!

My children's counselors are awesome.  I've seen huge progress in both my kids.

They gave me hope for the future.  Life saving.

It is a very comfortable atmosphere.  Everyone is flexible and understanding!

Quick and easy to get an appointment.  Friendly, helpful staff.

Easy to get to.  Very friendly people willing to help.

Location is great and the staff is excellent with customer service.  Therapy is also professional and comfortable.

Easy to work with.  You can tell they genuinely care about their clients.

My counselor helps me out when I need it most.  I can always count on them to say the right things, even when I don't want to hear it.

All the staff were friendly and helpful.  They answered all my questions.

The appointment times work well with my schedule.  My children get along well with their therapists.

Her thoughtfulness and her knowledge of helping people with depression is what I need to achieve my goals!

I appreciate the text/phone reminders.

Meeting with my therapist has been making my life and relationships a lot less stressful.

I always feel that my therapist is listening to what I have to say and helping me come up with practical ways to deal with things.

I like that the staff are flexible with scheduling.

Resources

LCA Brochure

May 2024 Activities Calendar

June 2024 Activities Calendar

Community Resource List 1.8.24

All Forms and Downloads

Office Hours

Park Rapids Office

  • Monday, Tuesday, Thursday
    8:00 to 5:00
  • Wednesday
    8:00 to 7:00
  • Friday
    8:00 to 1:00

Bemidji Office

  • Monday – Thursday
    8:00 to 5:00
  • Friday
    8:00 to 12:00

Menahga Office

  • Open by appointment

LCA offices may be closed over the noon hour. 

Important Numbers

Park Rapids Office Phone:
218-366-9229

Bemidji Office Phone:
218-444-2233

Menahga Office Phone:
218-564-9229

LCA Fax Number (all offices):

218-237-2520

24-Hour Crisis Line:
800-422-0045

LCA News and Information